Survivor offers help, hope for women facing breast cancer

In her ministry to breast cancer patients, breast cancer survivor Deborah Graham chooses to constantly revisit that defining and terrifying moment in 2004 when her doctor informed her that she had breast cancer.

“When you first hear you have cancer, you go into shock,” Graham said. “It’s like a waterfall that you just can’t get through. My husband, Larry, sort of suspected what diagnosis I would get, but I was totally blown away. When you hear ‘cancer,’ you think ‘death.’”

Graham recalls that after the doctor left the room, she just “boo-hooed,” then looked at her husband and said she was sorry.

At the time of her diagnosis, there were no survivors to help her through the initial shock, so she has devoted herself since that time to be there for the breast cancer patients at Southside Surgical Specialists.

“There were no counselors, but I had two friends I leaned on,” she said. “One had had ovarian cancer the year before, and another had been diagnosed with breast cancer six months before.

Undergoing a lumpectomy and subsequent chemotherapy and radiation, which Graham recalled as being “physically, psychologically and spiritually draining,” prepared her for the work she has now chosen to do for other breast cancer patients.

“I started working at Southside Surgical Specialists during my radiation treatment,” she said. “I was doing reception work and anything they needed me to do. A lot of times, the nurses would call me in if there were breast cancer patients. Then Dr. (Robert) Honea asked me to glean information and put together a packet to give to the patients.”

She worked full time at the practice for almost a year until her knees were giving her such problems that her husband suggested she stay home and devote herself to her painting career that had blossomed after her diagnosis.

She continues, however, to go into the office when patients are diagnosed and first told they have breast cancer and afterward.

“The doctors take the ladies on a case-by-case basis,” she said. “I am not always in the room when he tells them. Sometimes, he will have me wait until he is done with them, so he can make sure that they are in a state to talk with me.”

Many times, though, she goes into the room with the doctor for the initial diagnosis, wearing scrubs so that she doesn’t seem out of place.

Her task then is to calm the patients down and assure them that the breast cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence.

“The first thing I do is listen,” she said. “You would be surprised — some of them don’t cry. They are just in shock. Most of them are glad to see me. I haven’t had anyone tell me to leave.

“But what I tell them is that if you put all the breast cancer cases together, from Stage 0 to 4, that 89 percent of the patients will not die from breast cancer.”

Over the years she has been working with the patients, she has developed a bag of goodies to give to the patients. Of course, it is pink, the international color symbol for the survival of breast cancer.

“I give them a couple of books from the American Cancer Society—’Breast Cancer Dictionary,’ which explains terms in layman’s language, and ‘For Women Facing Breast Cancer,’ which answers all their questions,” she said.

Also in the bag is a journal for them to track their lives and emotions during their battle breast cancer.

“I encourage them to keep a journal,” she said. “I did, and I can go back now and see what I’ve gotten through, and it makes me stronger. A lot of it is raw and not very pretty.

Other items in the bag include a little basket of Hershey candies called “Hugs and Kisses,” a pink cancer survivor bracelet and a little breast cancer beanie bear.

“It’s amazing because I’m a person who cries when I’m mad or sad or glad, but when I’m in there, I’m calm,” she said. “I need to convince them that it’s not a death sentence and that they need to fight.”

She always tried to convince them that they need to take time for themselves because, as she said, most of them are wives and mothers and are not used to thinking of themselves.

“Most of the patients have someone there with them, and I talk to them all together,” she said. “I take them from the room into an empty room and spend as much time as I need to with them. Most of the time, I stay with them during the initial visit until they are calm, anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes. After that, they can contact me whenever they need me.”

Graham said it’s “feast or famine” usually on how many initial diagnoses there are a week.

“Sometimes there are two or three diagnoses a day, and sometimes we go a couple of weeks without any,” she said. “It probably averages two or three a week.”

Although she usually knows ahead of time when she will be needed, she keeps a pair of scrubs in the car so she can be called in a moment’s notice wherever she is.

After the initial diagnosis, Graham is available for whatever her patients need, whether it’s a phone or meeting someplace for coffee. For one patient without anyone close, Graham went to treatments with her so she didn’t have to go alone.

The amount of time weekly she is needed varies, but she usually gets a couple of post-diagnosis calls a week for support, she estimates. Each patient has both her home and cell phone and knows that, although she won’t push herself upon them, she is available for whenever or however often they need her.

Her work is all volunteer, which is the way she prefers it to be since she feels it is more of a ministry that way. Her husband is also supportive of her work, she said.

“I have the best job in town,” she said. “It gives meaning to what I went through. It’s amazing, but most of the time, especially with the older patients, I go to help someone, but they bring me up.

“The whole reason I do this is because the Bible tells us to comfort others with the comfort we’ve been comforted with. There was someone there to help me, so I help others, and then in turn when they get well, they can help others.”

Graham was sent by God, patient says

Karen Arnn was diagnosed in January of this year with breast cancer and has now completed all her treatments.

After her biopsy, she knew that the diagnosis was cancer when she was called within 24 hours to come back to see Dr. Robert Honea.

“I saw Deborah there in the back of the office when we got there, and I knew from our sons being together at Westover Christian Academy that she was a breast cancer survivor,” Arnn recalled. “So just seeing her encouraged me.”

Graham was in the room as Honea gave Arnn and her husband the diagnosis, and Arnn said she could see the compassion on Graham’s face as the doctor spoke.

“I knew she was praying for me,” she said. “Dr. Honea was so compassionate, but when he went out, it was just so helpful to have Deborah there. She went over everything again he had told us in layman’s terms. She encouraged us that we would get through this and that God would open the doors of ministry for us. And that is just what has happened.

“I felt that God had sent her directly for us.”

Susan Fisher is still undergoing chemotherapy since her breast cancer diagnosis in September.

She talked to Graham immediately after her surgeon, Dr. Mark Bird, gave her the diagnosis.

“Deborah has been very helpful,” she said. “She pretty much told me what I would be going through. It helps to have someone to talk to who has gone through it. I have called her several times.”

She said Graham also gave her a suggestion to get a port into her jugular vein for her chemo treatments, and that advice has been a “lifesaver.”