Let kids be kids and athletes be athletes

Inspired by the Olympic Games, millions of American children will declare that they, too, want to swim like Michael Phelps or vault like gymnast Shawn Johnson.
That’s great. But don’t rush off to enroll them in Olympic development programs just yet.
Young children need to experiment with sports and discover genuine interests, says Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and author of “Parents Do Make a Difference” (Jossey-Bass, $18) and “12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know” (Jossey-Bass, $15.95).
“I think we pigeonhole our kids too quickly into one sport so they are robbed of ‘experimentation’ or discovering their own loves and interests,“ she says.
Preschoolers and kindergartners, for example, should just have fun; learning to follow directions and exercise is a bonus. Even 6- and 7-year-olds - who can learn some skills - struggle with having the physical coordination necessary to excel in team sports.
Duane Spires, president of Extreme Youth Fitness in Tampa, Fla., and a martial arts instructor, knows a lot of kids who want to dabble but don’t want to make a long-term commitment. That’s why his students sign up for their tennis, martial arts, dance and cheerleading courses one month at a time.
“Kids change their mind so quickly about what they like to do,“ says Spires, whose company has taught more than 5,000 children over the last eight years. Most of those students study a certain discipline for more than a year but often take vacation breaks.
Programs that offer structured physical instruction for children who want to participate in individual or team sports range from short-term sessions lasting just four weeks and costing less than $50 to high-level, competitive travel teams that last nearly year-round and can cost thousands of dollars a year.
Pushing children into a long-term competitive sport commitment when they are too young - say before fifth grade - could backfire. A child could end up hating a sport before he or she is physically and emotionally mature enough to enjoy it, says Jen Singer, author of “You’re a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either)“ (Sourcebooks Trade, $13.95).
“It’s too much too young,“ says Singer, a former college soccer player and a mom of two boys. “It’s too hard on the knees and too hard on the minivan tires.“
Spires says he encounters some parents pushing their children more than is necessary. A red flag goes up if a parent is forcing a child to come to class three times a week or if grades are slipping. Preschool and elementary-aged children, in particular, don’t need to have every minute of their day occupied with structured activities.
“Kids need the chance to be kids and not be stressed,“ he says.
The best way to find a sport or program that works is to ask a lot of questions before signing any contracts or paying any registration fees, experts say. For example, if you want your child to have playing time in every game, find a recreational league and make sure coaches are on the same page before the first practice.
If your child is driven, or if you want him or her to experience a higher level sport, be careful to not push too hard. Excessive focus on achievement - both in sports and academics - has created a surge in children who suffer from anxiety and depression, says Aaron Cooper, a clinical psychologist and co-author of “I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy: Why You Shouldn’t Say It, Why You Shouldn’t Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead” (Late August Press, $15.95).
The U.S. Joint Commission on Mental Health of Children estimates that 1.4 million children younger than 18 years old currently are in need of immediate treatment for disorders such as depression.
“It’s all in the hands of the parents and coaches, and unfortunately they cross the line too often,“ Cooper says.
Parents who live vicariously through their children can be a problem. But so can parents who avoid getting involved because they don’t want their child to experience losing. Participating in organized sports is an extraordinary way to build character, sportsmanship and learn how to handle disappointment, Cooper says.